Archive | March 2014

Veggie Burgers:Russian Roulette Where Every Chamber IS Loaded

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Bing defines a veggie burger as a hamburger-style patty that contains no animal flesh. And that’s it. So if you want to make your own, one must only adhere to that rudimentry principal. Aside from that take all of the liberties and run fucking wild.  No one can call you on your shit.

Faux Burgers can range from too South American spicy to too Mediterranean bland.  There’s the pre-made frozen variety, complete with painted on grill marks.  Some sit-down joints will sling ice cream scooped, bonding agent-less, corn-heavy goop. Read More…

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My Red Carpet Date With Perez Hilton At SXSW

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(Me and Perez, guess which one of us has a million dollars in their bank account but doesn’t buy shirts.)

“During all of SXSW, you couldn’t stumble downtown ten feet in any direction before hitting a venue that had swore their bar’s showcase featured the future of music and SXSW.  Perez Hilton assured me in a brief interview held on the red carpet that his show featured the “future of music”.  I have a hunch he might be telling the truth.”  Read my full article at the Texas Rock Report

Wearable Technology At SXSW

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AUSTIN, TX–SXSW is ground zero for techies and fest loving fashionistas.  The two ilks have co-mingled and  have birthed a hybrid baby.  Wearable Technology like Google Glass, or watch calculators are sooo 55 minutes from now.  Here’s a few prototypes that may hit the runways IRL in Milan or on the cyber-bohemian streets of the #ATX:

American Apparel’s Pacemaker on Your Sleeve: This is for the emotionally-open elderly who ooze sex appeal.  This classic white tee made in an American sweatshop harkens back to the Hot-Rod 50’s where rolling up a pack of cigarettes was all it took to make one a  teenage wet dream.  This shirt allows rebels with causes–like watching FOX NEWS, and cash’in dem sexy  $ocial $ecurity checks–to capture that youthful invincibility, but with a vulnerability you could bring home to mom.  PYS allows seniors to roll their fully functional pacemakers in their left sleeve for optimal badass-ness.  James Dean, eat our fake hearts out! Read More…

SXSW: Snoop Dogg Light’s Up Emo’s

Snoop Dogg aka Snoop Lion (photo @ Manuel Nauta)

“The venues ceilings vaulted sky high, but some on the ground floor may have been a bit higher.  After all, marijuana is the party favor that the evenings headliner is a famous fan of. Credit goes out to the security staff who confiscated more joints and drug paraphernalia, than a Laredo Border Control task force.” For more of my Snoop Dogg AKA Snoop Lion concert review go to the Texas Rock Report

Hall & Oates Hit All The Right Notes @ ACL Live

Daryl Hall (L) and John Oates (R)

First to strut past the busy stage was the pocket-sized John Oates dressed in all black complete with his signature curls and recognizable facial hair.  Then it was Daryl Hall’s turn to pierce through the fog of applause.  Hall, stood as tall as an alpine slope, with snow-dusted blonde hair, and a jarringly cool motorcycle jacket. A couple in front of me kept googling the duo’s ages in disbelief (Hall 67, Oates 64), and I’m here to testify that the two looked at least twenty-years younger than their wikipedia page would suggest. To read more of my review check out the Texas Rock Report

My First Last Ditch Effort

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In some junior high class–which had nary a thing to do with the Three R’s, during a grade where pre-teen boys wore basketball shorts during all of the temperatures–we hand-made dreamcatchers.  My school wasn’t on a reservation, nor was it an artsy institution, it was just in a dull “let’s raise future adults who hide their insecurities and denounce vulnerabilities land” town. Dreamcatchers are easy on the organs of vision and kind of look like the framework of a plate of nachos.  There’s the chips in between the webs of melted cheese, beads of beans situated haphazardly, and a scant serving of feathers which represents cubed chicken.  Where’s the salsa you may ask? It’s the paper-clip grade wiring that holds it all together, duh. Read More…