My First Last Ditch Effort


In some junior high class–which had nary a thing to do with the Three R’s, during a grade where pre-teen boys wore basketball shorts during all of the temperatures–we hand-made dreamcatchers.  My school wasn’t on a reservation, nor was it an artsy institution, it was just in a dull “let’s raise future adults who hide their insecurities and denounce vulnerabilities land” town. Dreamcatchers are easy on the organs of vision and kind of look like the framework of a plate of nachos.  There’s the chips in between the webs of melted cheese, beads of beans situated haphazardly, and a scant serving of feathers which represents cubed chicken.  Where’s the salsa you may ask? It’s the paper-clip grade wiring that holds it all together, duh.

The dreamcather isn’t a functional device that tracks down your utopia for you, it’s a reminder that you have to bring your aspirations to this art and craft.  In grade school, you don’t need a keepsake to trigger your imagination, its post-eigth-grade-grad when you do.  So let’s bend some wire, string along some floss, transfix some turquoise pendants, dust off a feather that we only adorn during music festivals like Coachella, and pitch this a tent for our own dreamcatcher.

I created because I’m at the point in my life where I would like some closure on my creative career prospects.  I will always “do art” because it makes me happy, but after six years sketch writing, performing everywhere in Chicago except places with built in-respect like i.O. or The Second City, podcasting in the desolate scene of ’07, covering the Chicago Bulls sans Derrick Rose, sportscasting on WGN TV, tweeting, reviewing legendary bands, losing every film fest I’ve entered, creating online ads for two-bit companies, being published in a factoid book, never being accepted into a sketch comedy festival, etc..(brag about it asshole), I’m excited to give it my first of many last ditch efforts over the next couple of years.  I will find peace either way from, thanks for searching with me.  All these weak analogies sure make me hungry, who wants spiritual nachos? No cilantro.  I don’t have an allergy but I do have a deep aversion to it.  Ok fine, but on the side.  Well then lets just get the mozzarella sticks.  Oh you can’t do fried food on your diet.  *Obnoxiously takes a deep breath* Let’s just skip the appetizers and start reading/eating some meaty articles then huh?


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