Wearable Technology At SXSW

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AUSTIN, TX–SXSW is ground zero for techies and fest loving fashionistas.  The two ilks have co-mingled and  have birthed a hybrid baby.  Wearable Technology like Google Glass, or watch calculators are sooo 55 minutes from now.  Here’s a few prototypes that may hit the runways IRL in Milan or on the cyber-bohemian streets of the #ATX:

American Apparel’s Pacemaker on Your Sleeve: This is for the emotionally-open elderly who ooze sex appeal.  This classic white tee made in an American sweatshop harkens back to the Hot-Rod 50’s where rolling up a pack of cigarettes was all it took to make one a  teenage wet dream.  This shirt allows rebels with causes–like watching FOX NEWS, and cash’in dem sexy  $ocial $ecurity checks–to capture that youthful invincibility, but with a vulnerability you could bring home to mom.  PYS allows seniors to roll their fully functional pacemakers in their left sleeve for optimal badass-ness.  James Dean, eat our fake hearts out!

Inspector Gadget’s Fadora: (see link)

Apple iTongue Piercing– Get that “Hot Topic Employee” look with this titanium piercing complete with a camera and microphone mounted at opposite ends of the bar bell. iTongue allows the pierced to record and playback every inarticulate “this is bullshit” or “lame” that they utter, and is rechargeable by the same fuel that powers up those who normally rock this aggressive jewelry; Red Bull and cigs. It also allows you to troll your pretentious friends who are posting on Instagram brunch pics by letting you upload images from the inside of your mouth of chewed up 7-11 breakfast Taquitos. It also let you know when your teeth’s enamel could use an upgrade.

USB shoelace phone/laptop/tablet chargers: It stores energy by all the steps you take, and allows you to recharge your battery life by 2-3%. Comes in three colors; basic black, dad-sneakers-white, and the corporate tie-in “Heisenberg Blue“, The Final Season (episodes 9-16) of Breaking Bad on Blu-Ray available now at Amazon.com”. Initial Cost: $6,999 each lace, assuming the technology of storing power by foot motion could be cultivated and distributed safely.

Being Attractive: An all new phone-less dating app with 100% success rate, all you have to do is just be attractive!  Swipe left, swipe right, with symmetry you’re getting some the rest of your life!

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