Nashville’s Nashies’ Wish List For Season 3

Nashville_season_3_poster

I grew up in Chicago’s West Rogers Park neighborhood, which is predominately an Assyrian, Indian, and Jewish hood, so I didn’t grow up hearing a lot of Waylon, Patsy, or Chris Gains’ alter-ego–Garth Brooks.  Thanks to Hulu and a realization that I need to stop re-watching The Wire, I fell in love with ABC’s Nashville. Just like The Wire, the Nashville music scene is a cut-throat milieu where one minute you’re on top of the game and the next minute you’re gun down (well not really, except for that inexplicable time the first lady of Nashville was shot–RIP Peggy Kenter.)  Oh and Hamsterdam architect Major Bunny Colvin has been on it too, soooo there, I take it back, the analogy still works!

After one episode of the melodramatic Nashville and you realize it’s ridiculously ridiculous and #SorryNotSorry but I love it.  And even if you can’t stand the occasionally cringeworthy dialogue there’s some legit musical performances every episode.

Technically I’m a music writer, so you can trust me (not really.)  Check out this cover of John and Jacob’s “Be My Girl“, and “A Life That’s Good” by IRL sisters Maisy and  Lennon Stella.  Good stuff amirite? Season 3 starts tonight and here are some things Nashies want to see happen this year:

Rayna And Luke Don’t Tie The Knot

“Ball And Chain” is a nifty ditty, but these two don’t make beautiful music together. For a show that got picked up for another season in the 13th hour, I wonder if Deacon and Rayna will get this whole Pam and Jim thing over with and fulfill their destiny sooner rather than never.

Scarlett Keeps Haphazardly Landing On Her Feet

Remember when Scarlett didn’t want to be a singer all those times, but then crushes it on stage?  Even Christina Perri is like “oh bullshit, you can’t literally just be a waitress one minute and then the next dominate the music biz”.  Keep on keeping on Scarlett, you have a knack for being amazing always.

Will Lexington Is A-Okay With Being Gay

Props to Nashville’s writers on promoting this complex and progressive story line to it’s conservative base (of viewers).  Whether or not Will publicly comes out, I hope he finds peace.  Or at least keeps up his sham marriage and puts a baby in his genetic equal of a wife, Layla Grant.

Juliette Gets Her Shit Together But 4realz This Time 

Look we’ve all bumped uglies with a Edge-Hill-Records-CEO-Jeff-Fordham-type in our lives, but few of us have had a chance to build a real life with a dreamy and uber-loyal guy like Avery Barkley. To Juliette’s credit, she was honest about the latest ordeal and has tried her best to not repeat her mother’s self-destructive decisions (RIP Mama Barnes–who passed due to gun violence, soooo again, this show is The Wire).

More Zoey Please

She may be a back-up singer on the show, but with this gals vox and acting chops, she’s a leading lady in the making.

Gunner Cuts A Record Of His Own

Gunner is like Timberlake circa *NSYNC’s “Pop” record.  He’s contractually obligate to play nice, but all dude wants to do is branch out and make “Cry Me A River” about his ex, just like J-Tim. Let’s get #FreeGunner going and have him sing his own songs.

Maddie Makes Her Two Dads Watch My Two Dads

She can show Deacon and Teddy that their situation isn’t as bad as that show!

“I Get That” won’t be said more than 139 times this go around.

Ok, hard to show my work on this one–you try googling “I get that” and “Nashville”–but trust me on this one, every character says “I get that” at least 18 times a season.  No hyperbole.  I created a Nashville drinking game last year; whenever I heard a character say “I get that”, I beer-bonged teaspoon of chilled cinnamon whiskey and I’m proud to say today that after some dark dark times, I’m on the road to recovery just like Deacon when he’s not relapsing.

Nobody Dies This Season

What is this Game of Thrones? This show makes the actual city of Nashville look like it has a higher murder rate than my hometown, Flappy Bird and The Walking Dead combined.  No need to up the ante with the ultimate sacrifice..y’all.

 And Finally

Just keep playing.  The music is Nashville’s money maker. Even the songs written to sound like crappy commercial country hits are iTunes purchase worthy.  The ballads are feel good, the done-wrong-songs are comforting to those viewers going through a similar situation, and ultimately, Nashville does it’s job as being an escape to those of use who don’t have such glamours lifestyles.  As trite as the plot turns get, you still care about these characters–which as trite as that sounds, it still gives you something to look forward to week-to-week on Wednesdays.

Oh and if Jeff Fordham tries to lay one finger on another one of our Nashville gals, I think I know just the guy to “release him” from his lifelong “record deal”.

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